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Posts Tagged ‘What To Expect Before You’re Expecting’

Lulu may or may not write this advice...

I made a Twitter account (@LulusCorner) specifically to engage in the world of wanna-be-moms and already-moms. I came to Twitter to get support, tips, guidance, and laughs. Turns out, bad tips and awful guidance are great for laughs! It’s a lose-win situation!

My favorite in the crap-advice category goes to an article I came across last week. How do you describe an article in 140 characters or less? These folks chose: What Are The Best Ways To Get Pregnant? I’ll give them credit, I clicked on the link. But here, my friends, the credit ends. The advice, and I’m highlighting their best, is as follows:

1. Going on a vacation from the stressful working life, and making out at an exotic locale is certainly one of the best ways to get pregnant. PSA: Apparently, you CAN get pregnant from making out IF you are in an exotic locale. You’ve been warned.

2. If you cannot afford the luxury of a holiday, don’t despair- yet. There are a number of best ways to get pregnant, right in your own bedroom. For one, try a change of décor and set up the room to have a more romantic feel. Redesign, a key to pregnancy! So many times, we’ve all heard the story of a couple who redecorated their bedroom and boom! A baby! Gives a whole new meaning to that old show Surprise By Design.

3. Buy some aromatic candles, and invest in a couple of silk cushions and bed sheets, if you would like that. Um, little known fact about aromatic candles, they are one of the “best ways to get pregnant.” So, you kids in those high-school movies, if you are planning on cashing in your V-card and setting the tone with candles, skip the scented ones unless you want to remember your first time for at least 18 years…

Let me try my hand at summarizing this how-to article in 140 characters: Travel and Redesign Tips to Get a Bun in That Oven #MakingOutMakesBabies #ASurpriseByRedesign #NotATTCExpert

And finally a little gem from a legitimate source, Pregnancy What to Expect, but maybe they should have thought twice about the wording. Again, 140 characters is limiting, but really? Unborn #babies are night owls: They’re sluggish in the morning and active as the day goes on. This can make it hard for you to rest. I’m guessing by “unborn babies” they mean “little ones in the womb,” but I’m not going there…

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Unlike my measured, patient husband, once I know what I want, I want it right away. To me, delayed gratification has a 5 minute limit. After that, it is just torture! So when we do decide to “go the way of the stork” I will be expecting immediate results. My expectations are not a product of misinformation or lack of information, but blind-desire. I have read a few books and I have heard stories of women struggling to get pregnant–my mother tried for 7 years before adopting me. But, I’m guessing, like many women before me, I am thinking: That won’t be me.

I went to the doc for a check-up right away. The doctor told me, when we do start, to return in 6 months if we aren’t pregnant. Here’s what I heard: Pregnancy will happen immediately! When I told a friend about my “plan” she said something to the effect of, “You know, it’s not going to happen right away just because you want it badly.” Here’s what I heard: It is going to happen right away for you since you want it badly.

However, while I can’t wait to see a plus sign, I am enjoying the journey too. I’ve been reading books like “What to Expect Before You’re Expecting.” I’ve also been watching TLC’s “A Baby Story” and have been known to get a little too caught up in “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.” (My family has banned me from watching the show.) In this particular program, women claiming to have had no skipped periods, no morning sickness, no baby bump, no symptoms at all, were rushed to the hospital with stomach cramps to find they were in labor. Here’s what I thought while watching: I don’t have any of those symptoms either! I could be pregnant too!

So here I am, learning to enjoy the journey… And come to think of it, on the advice of a great friend, I have not yet purchased any pregnancy/expecting books. So I guess I am capable of delayed gratification after all! I can’t wait to read all about it, but I envision rushing to the bookstore with my husband following a positive test. I can’t wait, but I imagine it will be so worth it!

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