Posts Tagged ‘smellucinations’

I hadn’t even realized we’d reached the peeing on a stick phase of the month. As Gilly mentioned in her recent post, she just wanted to make sure it’d be safe to have mimosas on Christmas morning. Neither one of us really expected the test to come back positive. So imagine my surprise when Gilly suddenly announced, late in the evening as we were getting ready for bed, “I think we’re pregnant.”

Yup! I've contracted new dad face.

It took time to realize what I was feeling was sheer joy and excitement, because my initial reaction was one of pure shock. Could it be? How could it be? Could it really be? It couldn’t possibly be. But there it was. The little pink lines. They couldn’t lie. Could they lie? Well, actually, I guess they do lie. But then when Gilly took the test again…and again…and again, for four days in a row – well, the little pink lines don’t lie that much.

We were going to be parents. We couldn’t contain our joy. But while we didn’t have to contain our joy, we couldn’t yet share our joy. The urge to tell everyone the second you realize you’re pregnant – especially after months now of being, as Angie Z. so eloquently put it, “two endangered snow monkeys with a thousand buggy-eyed freaks awaiting the appearance of your first offspring born in captivity” – is hard to suppress. I mean, this is BIG news. Who can keep something like that a secret for a day, let alone for weeks?

And that, dear readers, is when the first trimester intervened and knocked us both senseless. I mean, we’ve read What to Expect When You’re Expecting but nothing – not a midnight screening of The Exorcist, not a public restroom reading of The Hot Zone, not even eating one last wafer thin mint in a re-enactment of Monty Python’s Meaning of Life – could have prepared us for…Gilly’s first trimester.

Gilly sums up her first trimester experience in her last post, so I won’t regurgitate the horrors she endured. Let me just say this. There. Is. No. Celery. In. Our. House.

But there are two glowing people. After all, maternal bloom isn’t just for ladies…


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After wishing and hoping, and planning and trying, we are finally knocked up! I would love to tell you this is just what I had hoped for. Everything I had wanted. But I have had some seriously rough weeks. Skipping over constipation, because I’m still not over that humiliation, I want to share the awful truths of 1st trimester. Note, every pregnancy is different, but this was my experience…

Morning Sickness– This term suggests a quick vomit in the morning and then on to the rest of your day. More appropriate term… 24/7 Violent Vomitting  and Non-stop Nausea Sickness– I burst blood vessels on my cheeks and broke out in rashes from puking so hard, morning, afternoon, and night… Nap and repeat. I was so sick and developed food aversions to everything. I seriously thought that I would never eat, desire, or enjoy food again. Our kitchenwares-themed Christmas became a cruel joke.

Remember when I thought I’d miss coffee and wineHa! The thought of either still makes me ill as I begin second trimester. Seeing people on TV imbibe these beverages made me ill. And by “ill” I mean “puke violently.” So needless to say I missed a good bit of TV first trimester! (Oh! But here is something I miss that I never expected to have to say goodbye to–my Murad facial cleanser. Burst blood vessels, rash, zits, gorgeous.)

Sensitivity to Smell– You may find some smells more offensive than you used to. More appropriate term… Smellucinations– EVERY smell… soap, celery (vom!), granola bars, crackers, even paper, smelled as though I sprayed an unventilated room with each scent and amped it up to the 1 millionth degree. Lovely morning smells like coffee felt like torture to me. We still don’t talk about that one time Patrick “forgot” and brewed coffee in the house. I lost my mind, my breakfast, and lunch. And then there were those two weeks when everything smelled like celery even though Patrick swore there was none in the house. I had to throw away my iPhone case because it smelled like celery.

It wasn’t all bad. There was pregnancy fatigue! The best part about needing to sleep every few hours was that sleep is the best break from feeling sick and smelling all those horrible smells. Silver lining. That’s all I’ve got for you.

Pregnancy brain! This is a rather disturbing condition that debilitates one’s short-term and working memory. To be honest, my short-term memory wasn’t so fab to begin with, but now I’m a scatterbrained lunatic. And let’s be honest, I didn’t have many mental demands while on bed rest but ask me to remember one thing and I couldn’t do it! Patrick threatened to tie a notepad around my neck, but I would probably have forgotten to use it. Sometimes pregnancy brain is funny…

Me: Hey chuck, I want us to watch a baby-making video together. I think it will be fun!

Patrick: <poker face of the “this is a trap” variety>

Me: <translate look> Oh! I mean a birthing video, not porn! Hahaha! Pregnancy brain!

Crying All Day. I’m not really the sentimental cry-during-movies type. With the exception of my wedding (much to Patrick’s amusement), I do not cry during “sappy stuff.” Now I cry about everything. Nursery ideas make me cry. Patrick smiling at me, watching The Voice, orphans, recounting The Secret Garden = sobby girly mess. Didn’t think it could happen to me.

I know I’m supposed to end this post saying, “It will all be worth it come September!” I am sure it will be such a delight to not sleep and change and wash poopy diapers, but this first trimester was pretty horrible and I just wanted to document this before I forget and decide to do it again… My new motto, “One and done!”

Okay, I can’t be this surly anymore, because I am feeling so much better. Nearly human! Patrick and I are already rubbing my belly (no, not a baby-bump yet, just fat) and telling the lil dragon how much we love it. They say all this “morning sickness” is a great sign in pregnancy, so it was actually a bit of a relief on days when I was able to keep at least one meal down. In fact, once I started feeling better I  started to worry something was wrong with the pregnancy. But those worries were assuaged when I had an ultrasound, after a few glorious days sans sickness, and got to watch our baby wiggle beneath the ultrasound wand. I think I really fell in love that day!

Wiggle Dragon

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