Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy tests’

It’s October, and as you can tell from earlier posts, we’re full on into the swing of Halloween. So, to celebrate Halloween, I thought I’d discuss my top 5 scariest places in the world.

5. The DMV. Okay, this is an easy one. Everyone finds it scary to the point where it’s an easy punch line. But there’s a reason it’s become a punch line – and that’s because everyone knows it is a truly frightening place.

4. The interstate junction in the middle of nowhere, USA. We’ve all stopped there before. We’ve all filled up on fuel, bad food, and country music songs piped over a bad PA system. We’ve all left these places a little bit less of a person than when we entered.

3. The Hospitality House. It’s a real hotel in a real town, but I’m not going to tell you where on the off chance that you might be the sort of person that, you know, goes to visit these things out of morbid curiosity. Evidently, the Lizzie Borden House is now a bed and breakfast, so there are plenty of people out there who might be looking to recreate this “hotel from The Shining” experience. Gilly and I stayed there once. The floors were damp and spongy. But I’m still not sure it was water soaking up in that carpet.

The pumpkins got what they deserved.

2. That tent in the woods by the lake. You know the one. Chances are you’ve been there too. It’s the place with the dirt and the bugs and the real-life actual bears who like to play with pumpkins. Some people also refer to it as “camping.”

And the number one scariest place is…

1. The Magic Kingdom. No place on earth mystifies me more than Disney World. Now, I understand why it might attract young minds weaned on sugar and Disney cartoons about princesses and their little talking animal friends. But here’s what I find truly horrifying, and this is the reason it places number one on my list of Scary Places. Adults go there. Willingly. Without children. To vacation. And get married. And honeymoon. Of their own. Free. Will. I think the Magic Kingdom is the remnant of a Soviet, Cold War-era brainwashing plot. That worked.

So there you have it, my Top 5 Scariest Places. What are yours?


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Good surprises are good fun. If you can pull off a surprise with me, I will revel in the spontaneity. But when it comes to those holidays (birthday, Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day…), when I know I am due for a goody, your attempts to surprise are probably futile. Patrick learned early on that nothing delights me more than a successful game of question-and-hints resulting in the early guess of a gift. I like the game of figuring it out as much as the gift itself.

Lulu, you sneak!

So it should come as no surprise that I am all about finding out the sex of a baby as soon as possible. Which is, apparently, as early as 7 weeks thanks to a blood test. I understand that many parents choose to find out in the delivery room, waiting as long as 9 months(!). These patient, enjoy-torture types say that “it is one of the few good surprises left in this world.” I hear the argument, and I get it, but I’m not drinking the Kool-Aid.

Our attempts to uncover mysteries are nothing new. Allegedly, the first documented urine-based gender test dates back to 1350 BCE in Egypt. When a woman suspected she was pregnant she would urinate on barley and wheat seeds. If the barley sprouted, she was carrying a boy; if the wheat grew, paint the pyramid pink, she was having a girl! Researchers have since tested this method and concluded this test is 70% accurate for predicting pregnancy, but not gender. Who would have thought?

Next up on the “endangered mystery” list is: fertility expiration date. That’s right, ladies, there is a new test in the works that can estimate how many eggs we have left. Anti-mullerian hormone levels have been shown to be related to the number, but not quality, of eggs we have left in there. So, even if it is not quite a fertility test, it is a good indication of how long women will be dropping their eggs (aw, we’re like chickens!). Do I think it is ridiculous that this hormone-egg relationship is being described as a fertility test? Yes. Would I take the test tomorrow? Sure would! I want to knowwww!

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Unlike my measured, patient husband, once I know what I want, I want it right away. To me, delayed gratification has a 5 minute limit. After that, it is just torture! So when we do decide to “go the way of the stork” I will be expecting immediate results. My expectations are not a product of misinformation or lack of information, but blind-desire. I have read a few books and I have heard stories of women struggling to get pregnant–my mother tried for 7 years before adopting me. But, I’m guessing, like many women before me, I am thinking: That won’t be me.

I went to the doc for a check-up right away. The doctor told me, when we do start, to return in 6 months if we aren’t pregnant. Here’s what I heard: Pregnancy will happen immediately! When I told a friend about my “plan” she said something to the effect of, “You know, it’s not going to happen right away just because you want it badly.” Here’s what I heard: It is going to happen right away for you since you want it badly.

However, while I can’t wait to see a plus sign, I am enjoying the journey too. I’ve been reading books like “What to Expect Before You’re Expecting.” I’ve also been watching TLC’s “A Baby Story” and have been known to get a little too caught up in “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.” (My family has banned me from watching the show.) In this particular program, women claiming to have had no skipped periods, no morning sickness, no baby bump, no symptoms at all, were rushed to the hospital with stomach cramps to find they were in labor. Here’s what I thought while watching: I don’t have any of those symptoms either! I could be pregnant too!

So here I am, learning to enjoy the journey… And come to think of it, on the advice of a great friend, I have not yet purchased any pregnancy/expecting books. So I guess I am capable of delayed gratification after all! I can’t wait to read all about it, but I envision rushing to the bookstore with my husband following a positive test. I can’t wait, but I imagine it will be so worth it!

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