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Archive for February, 2012

After wishing and hoping, and planning and trying, we are finally knocked up! I would love to tell you this is just what I had hoped for. Everything I had wanted. But I have had some seriously rough weeks. Skipping over constipation, because I’m still not over that humiliation, I want to share the awful truths of 1st trimester. Note, every pregnancy is different, but this was my experience…

Morning Sickness– This term suggests a quick vomit in the morning and then on to the rest of your day. More appropriate term… 24/7 Violent Vomitting  and Non-stop Nausea Sickness– I burst blood vessels on my cheeks and broke out in rashes from puking so hard, morning, afternoon, and night… Nap and repeat. I was so sick and developed food aversions to everything. I seriously thought that I would never eat, desire, or enjoy food again. Our kitchenwares-themed Christmas became a cruel joke.

Remember when I thought I’d miss coffee and wineHa! The thought of either still makes me ill as I begin second trimester. Seeing people on TV imbibe these beverages made me ill. And by “ill” I mean “puke violently.” So needless to say I missed a good bit of TV first trimester! (Oh! But here is something I miss that I never expected to have to say goodbye to–my Murad facial cleanser. Burst blood vessels, rash, zits, gorgeous.)

Sensitivity to Smell– You may find some smells more offensive than you used to. More appropriate term… Smellucinations– EVERY smell… soap, celery (vom!), granola bars, crackers, even paper, smelled as though I sprayed an unventilated room with each scent and amped it up to the 1 millionth degree. Lovely morning smells like coffee felt like torture to me. We still don’t talk about that one time Patrick “forgot” and brewed coffee in the house. I lost my mind, my breakfast, and lunch. And then there were those two weeks when everything smelled like celery even though Patrick swore there was none in the house. I had to throw away my iPhone case because it smelled like celery.

It wasn’t all bad. There was pregnancy fatigue! The best part about needing to sleep every few hours was that sleep is the best break from feeling sick and smelling all those horrible smells. Silver lining. That’s all I’ve got for you.

Pregnancy brain! This is a rather disturbing condition that debilitates one’s short-term and working memory. To be honest, my short-term memory wasn’t so fab to begin with, but now I’m a scatterbrained lunatic. And let’s be honest, I didn’t have many mental demands while on bed rest but ask me to remember one thing and I couldn’t do it! Patrick threatened to tie a notepad around my neck, but I would probably have forgotten to use it. Sometimes pregnancy brain is funny…

Me: Hey chuck, I want us to watch a baby-making video together. I think it will be fun!

Patrick: <poker face of the “this is a trap” variety>

Me: <translate look> Oh! I mean a birthing video, not porn! Hahaha! Pregnancy brain!

Crying All Day. I’m not really the sentimental cry-during-movies type. With the exception of my wedding (much to Patrick’s amusement), I do not cry during “sappy stuff.” Now I cry about everything. Nursery ideas make me cry. Patrick smiling at me, watching The Voice, orphans, recounting The Secret Garden = sobby girly mess. Didn’t think it could happen to me.

I know I’m supposed to end this post saying, “It will all be worth it come September!” I am sure it will be such a delight to not sleep and change and wash poopy diapers, but this first trimester was pretty horrible and I just wanted to document this before I forget and decide to do it again… My new motto, “One and done!”

Okay, I can’t be this surly anymore, because I am feeling so much better. Nearly human! Patrick and I are already rubbing my belly (no, not a baby-bump yet, just fat) and telling the lil dragon how much we love it. They say all this “morning sickness” is a great sign in pregnancy, so it was actually a bit of a relief on days when I was able to keep at least one meal down. In fact, once I started feeling better I  started to worry something was wrong with the pregnancy. But those worries were assuaged when I had an ultrasound, after a few glorious days sans sickness, and got to watch our baby wiggle beneath the ultrasound wand. I think I really fell in love that day!

Wiggle Dragon

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Q: What diagnosis left me puking and on bed rest for 7 weeks–unable to eat and drink water, unless on medication, and after all that I still gained 5.6 pounds?

Additional symptoms: headaches; sensitivity to smell; sudden taste for bananas; intermittent mind loss; and greenish, dry skin.

Lulu Sickness

google image from sharenator.com

A:

Diagnosis: Pregnancy

Hurray! Baby Dragon (it’s a Game of Thrones thing) and I have made it to 2nd trimester without IV assistance, thanks to Patrick’s positive attitude and force-feeding. Totally grateful to be pregnant, but that old saying, “be careful what you wish for” has popped into my mind more than a few times!

Surly, sick-induced grumblings aside, I do have to note that it took us a long time to get here. We had actually given up come our December-cycle and had made a plan to see our doc and try more scientific methods in the new year. 99% certain we weren’t pregnant, I randomly tested a few days before Christmas to get the “official” clear to drink my favorite Christmas morning mimosas. Thank goodness I tested! We were stunned…I mean at this point I just assumed all pregnancy tests resulted in just one line. So Patrick had the difficult task of “boozing for two.”

Christmas was pretty much a joyful, calm, celebration before the sick-storm.

To be continued…

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Send her your fan mail! She likes it!

Part of the reason for our blog silence lately has been due to a few intrusive emails that we have received. They are completely unrelated to our blog and us. These emails were sparse at first, but are picking up speed. And we decided that we may just end our blog altogether. These emails are strange and well, fan mail (not for us)…

So, as a former college instructor, I thought that instead of shutting down my blog and twitter account as I had first thought to do, I’d make a learning experience out of this…or what Patrick calls fanning the fire… So here we go!!

How To Write A Proper Fan Letter

1. This is pretty crucial so I want to open with this. Send fan mail to the person you are a fan of. Not us.

2. Writing “I’m not crazy” once makes the reader question the statement. Writing it more than 4 times makes you sound, well, crazy.

3. This is related to point number one. Don’t email random bloggers with your fan mail. It weirds them out! Nope. Exactly the same as point one.

4. Keep it short. Especially if you are writing to a non-famous person who doesn’t have an assistant to read mail. We normals only get through about three sentences of email not meant for us.

5. Send fan mail to people worthy of being a fan of: your favorite florist, the creator of bacon, celebs in sunnies, scientists working on a cure for cancer. This blog is not going to experience a sudden shift of content. It is about me, my husband, and our random thoughts that occur to us during our everyday average lives. That’s it. Nothing glitzy. Nothing fan-mail appropriate. We are not worthy.

That’s it for now. But if we shut this little bit of silly down that’s why…

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