…Third is the one with the moles on her chest.
After the whole first trimester debacle…
Pregnancy Book: Morning sickness happens to weak-stomached women who have a history of letting the flu get the best of them. (I paraphrased, but I’m pretty sure this was the gist.)
Me pre-pregnancy: That won’t happen to me. Poor other women, though. My heart goes out to them.
Me first trimester: [vomit noises 24/7]
…I learned my lesson. As it so happens, I am susceptible to the awful side-effects of pregnancy. So as I began second trimester I read the warnings differently…
Pregnancy Book: You will be constipated all the time. Your boobs will most certainly leak colstrum when you are out in public. You are 100% guaranteed to have stretch marks so severe that it will look like a werewolf attempted to rip open your belly. You will definitely have cankles, swollen feet, and fat fingers…and everyone will call you sausage lady. You will absolutely have hemorrhoids, even though you still don’t understand what they are. (Again, not the exact words, but practically exact.)
Me at beginning of second trimester: Ack! What did I sign up for? All the warnings are here in this book and yet I did this to myself ON PURPOSE? I’m a sucker! A dupe!
Me with 8 weeks to go: [Waddling around sans all expected major side-effects] Success!!
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
I was so busy tracking bathroom frequency and obsessing that every drop of cleavage sweat was embarrassing nipple leakage, that I forgot to obsess over the possibility of coming down with the more mild symptoms of later pregnancy. Here are the not-as-scary symptoms I am happily saddled with instead, may I continue to stay in the pregnancy fairy’s good graces:
1) Moles. These blind little beasts are popping up all over. They are teeny, practically microscopic, but honestly, I was happily light on the moles pre-pregnancy. I haven’t yet done research to determine if they go away. I’m guessing no?
2) Braxton Hicks contractions. Whew they can be intense! They stop when Patrick reminds me to breathe and I relax for a bit. Those practice contractions also make me giggle in anticipation of the real thing!! Then, I have to remind Patrick to breathe and have him sit down because he thinks I’m having a baby and losing my wits at the same time.
3) Anemia. Sounds serious, doesn’t it? But I’m taking an iron supplement and a lot of naps in between bouts of fantastic, sweaty, scrubby, nesty-nesting. Totally manageable, especially since I’m a big fan of napping!
4) Back pain. Okay. This hurt second trimester, but seem to be related to some major belly growth spurts I had earlier. With continued exercise and time to acclimate and readjust posture for the belly, this pain has now become rare and short-lived.
5) Hives. We haven’t figured out why they come and go, but my best guess is heat and/or food allergy, combined with even more skin sensitivity, thanks to pregnancy. Sounds bad, but they are so mild that I just ignore them. …after I point to them, frown, and Patrick babies me a bit. He is good at that!
I swore that I wouldn’t keep awful pregnancy symptoms a secret, and I feel equally obligated to share the not-so-awful symptoms too. TMI? Probably. But I believe people have the right to know what pregnant ladies really go through, before they get pregnant, “join the club,” and learn the hard truths.