Dear Future Baby: WE DID IT!!

My darling future baby,

We did it! I was beginning to think we’d never do it. I was beginning to think that only a select few had what it took, and I would never be part of the club. But last night, September 21, 2011, we made a scrumptious apple pie! This apple pie was perfectly tart, sweet, and fitted with a golden rustic crust. There are lessons in this second pie, baby, that I wanted to share with you.

First, that old saying, well I guess it is a new saying  to you, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!” is not just meant to annoy people; it has merit. First pie – undeniable disaster. Second pie – a sweet success! Your dad and I try, tried again and huzzah — a bloody good pie!

But, baby, this is not just a get-back-on-your-horse lesson. I’ve learned some things about myself from pie-making that you may want to know in advance:

My oh my! Look at that sweet rustic pie!

1. Your mom gives into cyber peer-pressure. I was seriously finished with baking after the apple crumble disaster I detailed in my previous letter. But my friendly blogging pals, tweeps, and FB friends refused to quit on me. They are the real reason I tried again.

2. Your mom resists following instructions. This appears to be a serious problem that goes way beyond throwing away IKEA instructions. This meant that dad had to re-read the pie recipe and perform accuracy checks at each step. It also meant that dad had to hide the zester and all other ingredients not called for in the recipe.

3. When your mom botches something, she calls it “rustic.” When the crust tore into 1 million pieces as I attempted to tranfer it onto the pie-top, I pieced it together (like Frankenstein’s face) and called it “rustic.” Your dad just interrupted and wants you to learn from the start that the green monster with the flat-top and platform boots is not called “Frankenstein,” but “Frankenstein’s monster.” Daddy is serious about monsters, so this is important. We’ll get into this more later…

4. Your mom doesn’t entirely hate doing the dishes. Dishes are much more fun to do when you think you have a successful pie in the oven!

5. Your mom is just not that into dessert. Even if a pie tastes good, warm, and homemade-y, I still prefer savory over sweet. Where’s the Chex-Mix?

Anyway, baby — we didn’t give up on pie, so we’re not giving up on you. But do hurry, I am excited to try my hand at rustic diaper changes.

Lots of love,

Your future mama

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Dear Future Baby: Your Mom Can’t Bake

Dearest Future Baby,

When it comes to baking, I am a failure. Admittedly, after 6 years of marriage I just started concocting meals this past summer with regularity. But I seem to have a knack for making simple, flavorful meals. By the time you are into solid foods, I will be quite the cook, so don’t even ask if we can go to McDonald’s.

My desserts, on the other hand, have been disastrously awful. Dearest future baby, this will not improve, I fear. I called an end to my brief baking tenure this past Saturday after another failed dessert attempt. Upon my announcement, our darling Patrick (daddy to you), always encouraging and blindly supportive, said, “Nooooo! You’re great at baking!” I countered this kind falsehood with facts.

Let us review my last three attempts at baking dessert:

1. Oatmeal cookies (for your daddy’s birthday). I had to make two batches. The first were hard as bricks and had less flavor than dog biscuits — trashed. The second batch was edible, according to your dad. But we’ve already established he is known for supportive white lies.
2. Biscotti. Speaking of dog biscuits, I managed to somehow bake all flavor out of almond-y, nutty, sweet biscotti. I gagged a bit when I tried one, then I tried another one with the same result — trashed.
3. Apple crumble. We found a great farm we want to take you to. We went apple picking this weekend and returned with lots of baking apples (red gravensteins) and snack apples (mcintosh and red gala). So your daddy and I peeled, sliced, measured, and mixed. I got overzealous and added lots of lemon zest. Big mistake! Lemony apples and crumble that never really baked… We each forced a portion down our crumble-holes and agreed it was quite terrible — trashed.

In sum, if the point of baking desserts is to make a mess, dirty dishes, and waste food by immediately trashing it, I am an unmitigated success. Perhaps I even deserve an award.

So, dearest little-one, I hope you take after me and prefer savory over sweet 364 days/year. If you are like your dad, however, you will have to give baking a try when you are old enough… I will not make you suffer my attempts.

Love, Your patiently waiting mommy

P.S. Great news! My blogging pal, and fellow Harry Potter fan, recently posted a recipe for apple butter. Not only is this an oven-free recipe, but we get to use our sloooow cooker! So the rest of our apple harvest will not go to waste and my tea-and-toast mornings will be extra delicious this fall and winter!

"Please don't make me eat the whole thing!"

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