Did the title make you hungry? That is why you are reading this post. Welcome!
Today, I want to share a lesson with you: A step-by-step guide on how to make your ordinarily boney feet swell like… well, things that are known for being super swollen.
1. Get pregnant. This may take a while. (See archived posts)
2. Brag about how you haven’t had swollen appendages so far, then begin week 38.
3. Decide to make an Asian-inspired sesame peanut noodle salad.
4. Drive to local Asian market for green onion and cilantro. Easy peasy! It is only 5 mins away! And for a bushel of both you only pay $1.50. Cash only.
5. Cook pasta. We had linguine, so I used that.
6. Cook edamame.
7. Chop raw veggies and herbs: garlic, cilantro, red peppers, green peppers, green onion. Omit carrots since they went bad. Oops! Omit bean sprouts because you just aren’t into them.
8. Shell edamame to add to veggies (pictured to the left). Eat extra edamame and share with Patrick. If you don’t have a Patrick, all the better, more for you!
9. Grill chicken flavored with sea salt, fresh ground pepper, curry powder, and coriander. Have Patrick help you with this stage because the grill pan is splattering and you can’t handle it. If you still haven’t got a Patrick, deal with oil splatter or use sparingly to avoid this problem altogether.
10. When linguine is finished, add a bit of sesame oil to noodles to prevent from sticking. Pop in fridge.
11. Put veggies in fridge. Keep them crispy!
12. Slice cooked chicken into thin slices and add to fridge too. I stored these in tin foil since I ran out of room in fridge. (See blurry picture to right.)
13. Kill this healthy collection of ingredients by making this fabulously fatty dressing: 1tbsp of sesame oil, 1 tbsp olive oil, 1 tbsp soy sauce, a 1tsp of chili oil, a squeeze of honey, juice from 1 lime, and 1/3 cup of peanut butter. Stir it up.
14. Combine pasta, veggies, chicken, and toss with dressing. Sprinkle sesame seeds on top!
15. Put finished product in fridge. Allow flavors to mix and mingle and chum up before eating.
16. Suddenly become aware of the fact that you have been on your feet for 2+ hours (world’s slowest cook?) and they hurt REALLY, REALLY bad.
17. Look down at feet and notice they have ballooned! You now have fat balloon animal feet! But you have also made a great noodle dish. So kick your feet up and come to terms with the fact that you have 0-28 more days of fat feet to look forward to. But bonus, you also have 1-3 days of peanut sesame noodles to look forward to!
18. If you follow this guide, more or less, you too can have delicious peanut sesame noodles and swollen feet. Now it is your turn to give it a go!